By the time this post is published, I’ll be living on a tropical island.
My own tropical island, which I will have flown to in my own private jet. Along for the ride will be my new entourage: a personal assistant, a private chef, a masseuse, an accountant, and a Kardashian. Oh, and a nanny. I don’t have children, but just in case I decide to have any in the near future, I want to hire a good one and keep her on retainer. And while I don’t plan on having an affair, according to inTouch Magazine, the nanny is the go-to gal for extra-marital dalliances. Also, I should point out that I am not married. Again, she’s coming along just in case.
Also, I’m not sure where to post this (maybe craigslist??), but I’m looking for a butler. Someone like Barrow from Downton Abbey but with less of a scheming, villainous heart. When I’m settled, I’ll be purchasing a gold-plated jet-ski to do donuts in my Greek sculpture-lined, Olympic size pool.
It’s not all about me though. I’ll also be opening up an animal rescue. I’ve been told this will do wonders for my reputation… oh, and of course, the animals. Those dear, sweet animals. Me and my puppies are gonna look so adorbz on Instagram and get over a million followers.
So, as you can see after I win the 1.5 billion dollar Power Ball prize things are gonna get reeeeeaaaal nice.
Okay, before you fire off a hate filled reply below, please know that I’m kidding. I’m actually not a vapid, self-obsessed, lady jerk. (Get real people, I would never, ever, have a Kardashian in my entourage.) In fact, if I tell you what’s actually on my lottery wish list, I fear I’d put you to sleep. Take a gander:
– pay off all my debt, and the debt’s of those I love.
– take a trip to Brazil to visit my grandma.
– buy a new pair of jeans, get them tailored to fit my short legs.
– finally(!) buy a bra that fits.
– get really healthy with holistic/integrative doctors, the kind my insurance never covers.
– find a bigger apartment.
– donate more to charity.
– take some classes to learn a new skill.
Are you asleep yet? The truth of the matter is that every time I buy a lottery ticket, I make one of these lists and without fail, I realize that it’s all already within my grasp. Seriously, even that trip to Brazil… I’ve got plans to go this year, though I won’t be traveling there in a private jet. I’m also going to learn a new skill and follow this DIY necklace tutorial. Frankly, I need to make something pretty for my girlfriend so she forgives me for that ridiculous nanny comment I made up there. IT WAS A JOKE!!!
Post Script – I didn’t win the lotto. Some 18-year old in Chino Hills won. Wonder if he’s looking for an entourage… I’m asking for a friend. In the meantime I’ll be here in my not luxurious but perfectly lovely apartment making this geometric wood necklace.
- DIY Painted Geometric Wooden Necklace from Dear Handmade Life
- Cardboard Bead Necklace from The Crafted Life
- DIY Easy Beaded Necklaces from Fall for DIY
- DIY Geometric Necklace from The Lovely Drawer
- Painted Block Necklace from Lulu the Baker
- Solar System Necklace from Handmade Charlotte
- Knit Fabric Necklace from The Silly Pearl
Helen Berger is a writer, script coordinator and producer who has worked on several television shows and movies including 30 Rock, Royal Pains and The Blacklist. She’s half Brazillian and half Swiss which means she tans well and makes an excellent fondue. She loves photography – check out her pictures here: https://hlb323.tumblr.com/ and follow her on twitter: @hlb323